“He was able to walk today without any assistance.” I clapped my hand over my mouth and shut my eyes, feeling the prick of tears. Yesterday you couldn’t; I didn’t know if you would ever be able to do that again. Those who say you are just a dog have obviously never loved a creature quite like you.
We weathered through a week of hell as you lost the ability to move your legs, curled up by my side on the floor, carrying you to appointment after appointment as we searched for the cause. It was one week of terrifying questions and focused observations; you comforting me as much as I was comforting you. And then our miracle man solved the mystery; wheeling you in for emergency surgery while we waited. It would be six hours before his exhausted voice would tell us you were okay, though it would be days before we would learn if you stood a chance for a full recovery.
Ever since you were small you made a game of testing my patience- pushing every single button your little paws could reach and then, unsatisfied, chomping on the remote for good measure until every last nerve was frayed and exposed. You, my dearest little love, were always meant to be my test. And my heart never stood a chance. You were mine and I was yours. Has there ever been a more beautiful tale to tell?
Like a sword pounding against a rock, I always felt helpless and blunted by you. You tested me in a way that I was unaccustomed to, in a way that I was wholly unprepared for. What I didn’t know was that you were my whetstone, sharpening me, strengthening me for the road we were destined to walk together. You turned me into a sword strong enough to fight both of our demons. We protect each other like Sam and Frodo; gentle and fierce.
It seems we were often at odds, you and I; fire and ice learning to balance the other. It was a dance we knew so well as we pushed and pulled at one another. We were constantly teaching the other; you reminding me that the world is meant to be lived in and explored, me coaxing you to understand that gentleness is always the best approach when facing others. I would protect you from the wayward squeakers as you liberated them from their plushy prison. You would protect me from the dangerous intruder you caught peeking through the living room window (to this day you have not realized that it is your own reflection).
Our battle of wills brought us together, though the road had been a bumpy one. I am not sure when we stopped antagonizing one another and became allies that could rival the best stories. It seems it happened slowly and then all at once. You were mine and I was yours. I wouldn’t trade a moment of it, every single sacrifice was worth it to have you in my life.
You see, what you don’t realize is that you have always been my talisman- my happily ever after in a world that I dont understand. You don’t care that I’m weird, extremely awkward and constantly anxious. You never once doubted in my abilities, though I often doubted myself. You simply loved me, finding joy in those tiny moments we spent together. You are my patronus, keeping the darkness at bay. You are my adventure, my reminder, my friend. You are my rock, my touchstone.
So right now, my dear little love, let me be yours. Let me help you the way you always helped me. Let me be the one to guard the door and keep the monsters in their closet. Trust that I will protect you during this difficult journey we are beginning- even from yourself at times. You will be okay, my darling. You are so strong and resilient. You have always tested me, but I have always tested you too. Now we are in this together, fighting on the same side as you slowly heal. Its going to be okay, my little one. After all, this is not the first monster we have faced. We made one another stronger for moments just like this.