make a difference – Tipsy Typer

I am not a hero. I have never run into a burning building or set a broken bone. I have never knowingly charged into danger knowing that I might not make it home when all was said and done. No, I am not a hero. But I was raised by one, though he would never call himself that. My dad is my hero, he is my example on how to live. My dad has run into burning buildings, he has whisked people to safety, he has helped them die as peacefully as possible when there was nothing left to do, he has searched through rubble for the telltale hint of a human soul. My dad has run into danger knowing he might not make it home. He has been hurt, he has been broken, but he has never stopped getting back up and doing it all over again. Because it was the right thing to do, because it was something that he could do. When I was little, I didn’t think much of it; it was just a fact of our lives- other people’s dads went to office buildings wearing suits, my dad charged into burning houses wearing a rather different dress code. I remember special goodnight kisses before shifts, going to visit at the station houses, camping trips with his ‘work family.’ Looking back now, I see the truth hidden behind the smiles, I see the pain and the reward that being the hero can bring. There is not only glory to be found, there is so much more buried below the surface if you only take the time to look.

On April 19, 1995 evil struck in an unimaginable way with the Oklahoma City Bombing. I had just turned six, but I still remember the footage of the building, only a portion still eerily standing. When the call rang out for help, my dad answered it. He flew out with his search and rescue team to assist in whatever way he could. He was never one to stand back and watch, he always had to help.

This is my dad during the search and rescue after the Oklahoma City Bombing:

The second picture where he is sitting on a bucket was a shot taken and used in Garth Brook’s 1995 music video ‘The Change,’ which doubled as a tribute to the victims and rescuers of Oklahoma City. If you ever feel the desire to watch, you can view the original video here: Garth Brooks ‘The Change’ original music video.

When I was a little girl I was so proud of this video- that was my dad! I would pop in the VHS tape and watch it over and over, just to see him right here. Today I found the video again- having a deep yearning to hear this song once more. And when I reached the scene I knew so well, this image hit me like a truck, making it hard to breath. For the first time I saw what it really portrayed. Pain. He never talked much about what happened there, we would get some stories as we got older, but it was nothing like seeing him in that moment of raw heartache and disbelief as the world was falling apart around him. I know they were there primarily as recovery- they flew in after many of the survivors were already rescued. Their mission was to help give peace to the families who lost so much that day, by allowing them to bury those they loved. And it took its toll on all of them. Seeing the devastation of so much hate will do that- it is a side of humanity that no one is ever ready to face. For the first time I saw how much my dad sacrificed to help others.

And then I came across this- a picture he took and kept from that time.

It’s just a simple sign. But it was powerful. It was a reminder, it was a promise- it was an embodiment of all that we are. When we have no other choice, we find out what we are made of inside, and it is usually so much more than we would have ever anticipated. Through our pain we find strength in one another, we find hope in a lost world.

“The Change”
By: Garth Brooks

One hand
Reaches out
And pulls a lost soul from harm
While a thousand more go unspoken for
They say what good have you done
By saving just this one
It’s like whispering a prayer
In the fury of a stormAnd I hear them saying you’ll never change things
And no matter what you do it’s still the same thing
But it’s not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me

This heart
Still believes
The love and mercy still exist
While all the hatred rage and so many say
That love is all but pointless in madness such as this
It’s like trying to stop a fire
With the moisture from a kiss

And I hear them saying you’ll never change things
And no matter what you do it’s still the same thing
But it’s not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me

As long as one heart still holds on
Then hope is never really gone

I hear them saying you’ll never change things
And no matter what you do it’s still the same thing
But it’s not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world we know
Never changes me

What I do is so
This world will know
That it will not change me

Today I haven’t been able to get this song out of my head, I keep coming back to the same thing, the words are burning through my veins. I wish I could do more. I wish I had more to give. I am not a firefighter, a nurse, a doctor, a police officer, a soldier- there are so many things that I am not. I am just a girl, just one solitary girl who finds her power with the written word. Some days it seems that is all that I have to give. And in a world that seems to be shattering right before my eyes- I have to ask myself if that is really enough?

Words feel so small in the face of so much pain and anger. But it is all that I have. I would like to think that I would step forward if the opportunity were thrust upon me, that in the heat of a moment I would make the selfless choice, I would do what my dad has always taught me. As the song says, “I do this so the world will know that it cannot change me.” Perhaps the most powerful thing that we can do is prove to the world that it will not make us jaded, it will not stop us from caring, it will not smother the flame of humanity we all started this life with. This world will never be able to create so much fear in my heart that I stop trying to help. If I find myself forever mired in these struggles, facing the choice of giving more of myself than I think I can bear to lose- I would still fight. The darkness of this world will never change me. I will always try live by my dad’s example. I will always try to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. I will always try to be a welcoming smile in a world full of bitter anger. I will always try to be a voice of reason in the screaming crowd. I will always fight- even if it means using the only power I possess- my words. I have spent enough of my life idly standing by. I will not be afraid. I will not be bitter or jaded or angry. I will not be changed.

We let fear rule us all too often, we allow the anger to twist our thoughts into venom that we thrust upon others. We turn our backs because there is so much that we can’t process yet, we think that this world will never change. Fear breeds helplessness, which in turn feeds anger. We create our own vicious cycles by giving into the temptation that is giving up. We turn our backs and wonder where all the heroes have gone, we never stop to look down and recognize ourselves for what we could be. You don’t have to change the world, you simply have to hold your ground and not let it change you.

The news is full of stories and speeches touting hate and segregation. We are afraid of one another because we refuse to open our eyes and search for the truth beyond what the reporters and politicians are telling us. We refuse to discuss the true issues. Our own ignorance will destroy us. People speak of building walls and closing borders, all the while forgetting that the majority of our disasters are home-grown. We forget that these people we are turning our backs on- they are really no different than us. It seems we forgot that age-old rule to treat others as we wish to be treated. My four year old nephew understands this concept, but many of the adults that I know have let it slip away. We have the power to change this, but we would rather blame everyone else. We listen to the fear mongering that has inundated our media- forgetting that they simply want a story they can sell. We listen to the voices that are screaming the loudest without focusing on what they actually have to say.

I refuse to give into the darkness that we have cast ourselves in. I refuse to turn away from someone who needs my help because I am afraid. If enough of us decide to be brave, we can banish any monster. I refuse to let this world change me. I will be soft, I will be kind, I will not scream, but I will not stop speaking. Because my voice is all that I have. Perhaps it is all that I need. I know that we are capable of so much more, I have seen it. Every hero must pay a price. I have seen the cost in my dad’s eyes. But I have also seen the reward. I have heard the stories, I know the price of the choices that I wish to make. That will not stop me from making them. Because I was raised to do the right thing, no matter how hard it is, no matter how many people try to scream that I am wrong. I will not back down, I will not break. I will keep getting up. I will not let this world change me.

What I do is so
This world will know
That it will not change me

Happy Fourth of July, my friends! May your day be safe and beautiful, full of good food, great company, happy pets and perhaps a gorgeous fireworks show to end this holiday. Sometime during your festivities today, I would like you to take a moment to ponder something that has been keeping my mind occupied this weekend. On Friday a great man named Elie Wiesel passed away at age 87. He was not born an American, no, he was born in Romania and did not become a U.S. citizen until 1963. Elie Wiesel is one of those brave souls that survived the Holocaust, as you can read in his book ‘Night.’ If you have never read this little paperback, I strongly suggest you go find a copy. The images and feelings he was able to convey in so few pages is astounding. It will change you on a fundamental level. You are probably wondering why I mention him on the day we celebrate our country- and it’s rather simple, I think we all have a lot we can learn from him, a lesson we are in desperate need of.

I think we are all well aware of the state of the world that we live in. Every day there is news of another bombing, another shooting, more refugees without homes, crumbling economies, starving families, death and destruction. We see so much that it is easy to turn our backs so that we do not have to feel the daily pain that these stories will cause. What can we do to help, after all? We are just one voice, no one will listen to us. It is moments like this that we must remember the voices who cannot speak. We must hear the stories to keep them from happening again instead of standing idly by.

It is easy to say that one voice cannot make a different, it can be carried away with the wind, there is no power there. But one voice speaking out may give others the same courage. And then you have two, three, a chorus, a symphony- you cannot be ignored. The world we live in is always changing- sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. And every generation has to fight to find their place in it. Every generation feels lost because they came into this world when it was in dire straits. I hate to say this- but our world is always in this condition.

I have fallen for this logic too. Why should I speak out when there is no one to listen to me? I despise confrontation, and the last thing I ever want to do is offend someone. But where do you draw the line between keeping people happy and doing what is right? If you stand by and do nothing, are you just as guilty?

Now, I typically do not discuss my personal or political opinions unless I am specifically asked. Today, however, upon remembering his stories and his lessons, I find myself searching for something deeper within myself. He always said that the greatest sin was indifference. And I believe there is something to be said for the notion that a lack of action makes you just as guilty as those taking action. If you stand by and watch the world burn, how is it any different from you holding the match?

We find ourselves in a unique set of circumstance, able to easily reach out and have our voices heard through the advent of social media. We also have the responsibility that comes with information being immediately within our grasp; if we bother to look, we can see everything- the refugee crisis, the economic collapse, war, hate crimes, the fate of the political arena- there are so many problems, it is easy to get overwhelmed. So we look away, find something fun to fill our time, tell ourselves that it is not our responsibility. But we are wrong. Today, on the day that we celebrate our country and the values that it stands for, and in honor of this fallen hero, I make a promise to myself- I will not forget. There will be no more watching in silence, no more telling myself that my voice is so small, it will not matter. My voice alone may not make a difference, but if it finds others- we could become a roaring ocean. The world that we live in is a dark and scary place, and like the characters in our stories, we must all learn to take a stand, to say that enough is enough. I don’t have much to offer, just my humble written words- but perhaps that could be enough. If I can get through to just one person, then it was not in vain.

So tonight, as you watch the beautiful fireworks shows and enjoy the company of friends and families, take a moment to remember why we are doing this: because there were a few voices who decided to speak, who brought a fledgling nation to action. It started out as just a simple idea and it changed the world. I don’t know if my voice will ever make a difference, but at least I can be comfortable in the fact that I did not stand idly by and watch events take place. I am not a simple bystander to my life. We all live here, we all have a duty to stand up for our beliefs. We have a responsibility to speak for those who have no voice- we do this in hopes that someday, if we ever lose ours, someone else will be brave enough to speak for us.

Tag: make a difference

This World Will Not Change Me

Silence isn’t Golden